"When you enter your front door, does an annoying 'house' odor smack you dead in the nose?
"Is it from cooking... pets... the stinky neighbors next door... or do you just have that persistent - seemingly resistent - old house smell?
"Drives you absolutly CRAZY
(Keep reading to discover how to get rid of annoying house odor's no matter where they come from. )
If you've landed on this web site it's because we share a rather unusual trait.
Neither of us wants to be in a smelly house.
Me... I'm secretly obsessive-compulsive about getting rid of bad house smells. How obsessive-compulsive am I?
I'm visiting my parents right now, and I've already removed the toilet bowl deodorizer in the guest bathroom because it smells like moth balls. (Can I get an "amen" and high-five on that one?!?)
Oh, and it gets even more titilating.
I hate frying sausage for breakfast, and smelling it in the air when I get home later. Or if my sister brings her dog over, and he leaves that stinky dog smell. Or when my neighbors next door are feeling in a curry-ish mood, and the smell seeps in to my place through the vents. Heck, I even call my favorite aunt before I visit her to make sure she's not planning a stewed goat meat surprise.
Friend, neighbor or flesh-and-blood - I don't discriminate!
And speaking of neighbors - it was a neighbor who actually took my nose hostage and led me to the brink of this stink insanity. If it weren't for this one neighbor, you probably wouldn't be reading this web site right now.
One day my neighbor (who will remain nameless) knocked on my door and asked for a favor: His stove was broken. Could he use mine? He had a little bit of fish to fry. It wouldn’t take long.
“Sure,” I said, “Come on in.”
If I’d only known. I mean where the heck was my "women's intuition" during that critical period?
That ‘little bit’ turned out to be 15 pounds – but that wasn’t the worst of it. The seasonings he used on the fish raised a stench that would’ve sent a skunk scurrying for cover.
From front to back, corner to corner, there was no place to hide in my own home.
You can't imagine the intensity of it, so let me create a smell comparison for you...
You ever walk past an alley way behind a restaurant on a super hot Monday, after they've had a busy weekend?
My dad owns a restaurant, and I can tell you that the post- weekend trash odor is putrid. All you can do is hold your breath and sprint past the alley to get away from it.
Now imagine THAT type of intensity in a fish smell. Buried snug-as-a-bug within your four walls. Even the pillow where you lay your head at night.
When my neighbor finally left, I lit up like 20 sticks of incense, trying to chase away that smell. I burned odor-killing candles. I Febrezed every piece of furniture in the house. I baking-soda’d the entire carpet three times, from the front door to the back bedroom. It was dead cold outside, but I opened every window and slept in a winter coat.
Oh yes... obsessive-compulsive.
Upon waking the next morning, I took a deep breath, expecting to inhale fresh, fish-free air. Instead, that smell hit me and I nearly started crying.
That noxious stench was laughing at me. It hadn’t moved. It hadn’t weakened.
If it were a hurricane, it would’ve been a category 6. Officially, hurricane categories only go up to a 5, so that should tell you just how bodacious that smell was! I thought for sure I'd entered The Twilight Zone.
Now here's the icing on the cake--
Several days after the cooking incident - with the smell still lingering pretty strong - my sister came over with DeeO-Gee (her golden retriever).
In one of his excited frenzies, this son-of-a-gun peed on my bedroom floor. (An entirely carpeted floor, mind you.) But neither of us realized it, until I discovered the smelly deed later that evening.
So now the house reeked of funky fried fish AND dog urine.
Oh, and it doesn't end there!
The straw that broke the camels back was when I visited my mom, and she asked with an slightly upcurled lip, "Alexis, why on earth do you smell like old fried chicken?"
That fish-of-death had permeated my clothes. I was walking around smiling, thinking how cute I was looking, and all along I reeked of an old fryer vat mixed with $100 perfume.
How foxy is that?
Hold on - don't answer that question.
I'll tell you how foxy that is. Not freakin' foxy at all.
I could no longer "bear with it" as my friends had suggested. (Surely they were snickering inside as they uttered those words!)
The smells weren't going away.
They were in my house - and now in my clothes too.
Bad house odor had become like an out-of-town guest who made a ten-hour international phone call, eaten up all my kids oatmeal raisin cookies, and then plopped on my white sofa, with his wet red jeans.
'Bearing with it' wasn't an option. Bearing with it meant I would be a stinky girl, technically through no fault of my own. And who knows how long this stench would last.
That's when I had my epiphany.
I realized that I had always been averse to bad house smells. And yet, as an apartment dweller, I was frequently meeting them head-on.
Temporary fixes - like air fresheners - were akin to putting a bandage on a gaping gunshot wound. A gardenia air freshener doesn't freshen the air after you've fried fish. It only mixes with it, so that you ultimately smell fried fish and gardenias.
My rage-turned-epiphany suddenly transformed from epiphany-to-avenger. Bad smell avenger, that is.
I got on the Internet and started searching for smelly house solutions.
Now here's where it got interesting.
Have you ever searched for do-it-yourself solutions for house odors? Probably not.
Allow me to clue you in to the experience...
It's a freakin' jungle out there!
There are literally dozens of different cleaners and potions that supposedly get rid of bothersome smells.
You've got deodorizers for cat and dog urine, feces, smoke, blood, dead bodies, and the list goes on.
They range from $10-$50 a bottle, plus shipping of course - cause none of this stuff is sold in your local discount department store. Naturally.
With prices like that, I didn't want to fiddle around with the basic consumer stuff. No, no, no! I chose an industrial cleaner that was purported to be a good all purpose deodorizing solution.
When it arrived, I ripped open the box like an eight-year old on Christmas morning, and excitedly sprayed it around half of the livingroom. The end result?
I got rid of some of the fish smell... and added a clean public restroom smell. Clean public restroom smells are good for public restrooms - NOT for your living quarters.
It was like exchanging the witch for the devil.
And the stink went on.
Okaaaaay - Enough is enough. Somebody get me a martini, and a telephone.
I guess that stench had me in a amnesia-like chokehold.
I was wasting time. I had the ultimate clean machine at my beck-and-call.
My Grandma was a housekeeper her entire life. And she didn't just do it as job, it was a way of life. She was like a 10th degree black belt of cleaning - (and cussing, but that's another story!)
At Christmas she would barely let a piece of wrapping paper hit the floor before she was hauling out the Hoover vacuum cleaner.
I knew if anyone would know about getting rid of smells, she would.
Well as the old saying goes, "Ask and ye shall find."
And find I did - FINALLY.
After doing all that research, quizzing my firecracker Grandma, and putting my findings to work, I got rid of that horrific fish odor within hours. When I was done, my place smelled fresher than it was the day I moved in.
The secret to my sweet smelling success?
I've outlined it all in my e-book No More Smelly House: The Ultimate Guide to Neutralizing and Eliminating Stinky Odors From Your Living Quarters.
Now before you get the wrong idea, let me clarify something. This isn't some report on how to make decorative potpourri. If you want that, look for a crafting web site.
This step-by-step guide takes a no-nonsense approach to winning the battle against house odors.
Here's what you'll find inside:
Let me tell you something... when I get done with you, you're gonna have a PhD in No More Smelly House-ology.
I've covered everything from the roof to the basement. Closets, bathrooms, baseboards, and everything in between. You won't find a compilation of house odor remedies this intense anywhere else.
And in case you're wondering...
Will I be required to buy anything to get rid of my odor problem?
Nothing else from me personally. But I do offer several suggestions, and you may be required to purchase the ingredients or tools. Clearing odors isn't expensive, but it does require some financial outlay.
Will your report teach me how to get rid of odors, or cover them up?
Both. By learning where odors hide, you'll discover how to get rid of them. But sometimes it's not possible to get to the source. Like if you have a neighbor who cooks stinky food. So I also teach you how to effectively mask these types of smells so they're far less offensive.
Are your suggestions safe to use around children and pets?
I'm a tree hugger by nature, so I always try to take the most natural route when it's available. Sometimes an all natural route isn't available. Sometimes Mother Nature can deliver some deadly blows on her own.
Why are you selling this information? Why not just give it away?
#1 - Because I'm a writer by trade. Not a 'starving artist.' It took a nice chunk of time and work to locate these techniques, and implement them to make sure they do indeed work.
#2 - I promised my clean machine Grandma that she'd get a free trip to Vegas for sharing her knowledge with my readers.
But do these tactics work for 100% of my buyers?
No - and for a very good reason.
Although I've provided solutions for most worst case scenarios, there are situations that require more extensive work than the information I provide.
Not every bad smell situation can be fixed on the fly. That's why I offer my buyers a 100% money back guarantee.
Try my techniques. Really put them to the test.
If your nose hasn't gotten up in the middle of the night and written you a thank you note, simply e-mail me and request a refund.
My goal is to make your home as fresh as a field of daisies. If I can't do that, then by all means you deserve your money back.
No More Smelly House
costs just $12.95.
An inexpensive cost when you consider I guarantee these tactics will leave you breathing easier.
You may use Visa, MasterCard, Discover, and American Express to order via PayPal.
For your safety I am a PayPal Verified Seller. I have conducted 1,000+ sales through PayPal - (which can easily be verified through PayPal once you click on the order link).
I will NOT have access to any of your credit card information. I will only receive notice that you've made payment.
You will be given immediate access to the report once your payment is received.
(After your order is complete you'll be taken to a receipt page. When you reach that receipt page simply click on the "Click Here To Continue" button on the lower right hand side of the screen. This will take you to the download page.)
I look forward to quickly helping you get rid of the awful smells haunting your home.
The Funky House Hater - and - Author of No More Smelly House
P.S.- Don't forget, you can get more tips at my No More Smelly House blog.
Copyright © 2007 Alexis Dawes
P.O. Box 516
Summerfield, FL 34492
travelwithme AT gmail DOT com